Giving the Gift for Christmas

It has been several busy weeks since my last post... no worries!  I have simply been overwhelmed by LIFE and its many demands.  That has not, however, deterred me from reading and studying more about the Gift of Grace and how the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ has impacted me thus far on my journey.

When I began blogging my progress on the Made to Crave way of life, other doors opened to me which had nothing to do with weigh loss, per se.  The common thread with Made to Crave and the other books and materials I've been reading is the simple recognition of Christ as the Supreme Gift in all things.  He IS in all things!  Simply giving myself to Him daily and asking to be shown His glory brings rewards that can scarcely be put into words.

He has met me right where I am, and He continues to show me how He is working in my life. For one thing, I am more aware.  As I continue my walk, I seem to be more in tune with surroundings, situations and people.  Part of this I attribute to making my own list of 1,000 gifts as suggested by Ann Voskamp in her book of the same name.

231. Warm chunky applesauce
240. Andrea Bocelli's Christmas music
242. The heavens declare the Glory of God (sunset)
273. Grandson Bailey making toast
278. The ability to sew
279. A regular paycheck
284. "Busy as cranberry merchants" in a note from a friend
292. Even in the tornadic mess called a house, it will be Christmas in 7 days.
293. A reason to give thanks
298. Grandies in Santa hats

The Gift is coming.  Tonight and tomorrow we will celebrate His arrival in a cold, unfriendly world once again.  This time, I pray that the appearance of the King will spur people "of this world" to become His followers.  This time, I pray the words of the shepherds will fall on ears that are ready to HEAR.  This time, I hope that the Gift will be accepted and praised for His sacrifice of love.

In my last-minute shopping today I came across an Amish woman who told me that her 10-year old son stated he now knows what Christmas is about: Giving.  I remarked that it sounded like he's figured it out.  She nodded, smiled and said, "Of course he is also very happy to receive." 

Aren't we all happy to receive?   Shouldn't we all be thankful beyond words for the Greatest Gift of all?

There is ONE GIFT we can all receive and it is for everyone.  Tell somebody about Jesus.  Invite them to church.  Pick them up if necessary. Give the Gift.  Love isn't Love until you give it away.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom

He is pleased.  --Luke 2:14

Merry Christmas!

Day before Thanksgiving 1907

Wednesday, November 25:
Very cloudy & rained some. Men came & put coping on woodhouse & fixed barn doors. I ironed & worked some on dress, got din & sewed some.  Charley & I cleaned out the cistern. Done up work & got sup & rested. Rained this evening. Pa phoned from Logan as he went to funeral at Bennett Switch.  Aunt Sarah piecing double Irish chain quilt for May (my grandmother), blue & white.

In leafing through this personal account of an ordinary day in 1907, I am once again reminded of how things have changed in just 104 years, and also how things have remained the same.

Yesterday afternoon, two of my grandies were here after school.  I planned to give them a glimpse of the "Thanksgiving Project" we 3 will do together come this Thursday morning, while their parents are working on the dinner.  The annual project serves as a distraction from the meal prep and provides the kids and me a bit of fun in making something to share with the dinner guests.  In past years we have made craft projects or placemats.  This year we are making chocolate acorns (thanks to Gracie Collins for the idea!) from Hershey kisses and mini-vanilla wafers, pretzels, peanut butter and a dab of chocolate icing.

In addition to the "project", I thought it might be fun to have the kids try a true contribution to the meal by making applesauce using red hots, a little sugar and chunked up apples.  So yesterday after school we gave the applesauce a try, just to see how long it takes and to determine if we really like the end result.

I set the kids at different stations at the kitchen counter, each with a cutting board, halved apples and sharp paring knives.  I helped Emme (age 7) with the slicing and she did her own dicing.  Bailey (age 10) was more savvy with the knife and did his own slicing and chunking.  As a pile collected, I dumped them into the saucepan with some red hots and we watched and stirred.

The reward from our efforts was much better than I anticipated! We all 3 loved the bright red chunky sauce, and we took turns sampling a cooled spoonful of the yummy fruit from a small dish.  We agreed that this will be a big hit on Thanksgiving Day, and we must serve it warm.  Yum!

The big difference between my great-grandmother's entry above and our plan for Thanksgiving preparation is that she did her baking and cooking as part of her normal day.  She still sewed, worked outside, prepared meals and performed necessary tasks to keep the household going.  In 2011, our modern way of life does not require me to add the fun time with children to an already-busy day. I had spent the earlier part of Friday (my day off from work) going to appointments and running a few errands.  The joy of cooking with my grandies was an activity not a chore.

 I'm fairly certain that my great-grandmother had no idea she was making a "gifts list" when she recorded her diary entries.  She worked hard, indoors & out, devoted time to family and found time to read, rest and write. The diary was simply a recording of her day. Did it ever occur to her that others after her might read and hang onto every word?

This Thanksgiving, as with virtually all 63 of my Thankgiving holidays, I have the privilege of celebrating God's Bounty and appreciating the people He has put in my path.  I do not have to feed chickens, bake pies from scratch, travel by interurban or horse-drawn carriage.  I am blessed beyond words and perusing her diary brings me back to reality. Re-reading One Thousand Gifts, spurs me forward with my own list:

144. Savoring the moment
156. Judy's email
190. Making applesauce with grandies
191. Supper with hubby at McAllister's
193. He is my Portion.
194. Reading in the recliner.

I am smitten with God these days. Plain and simple, I have fallen in love with Him as never before.  And as my heart swells with His love and grace for others, my gifts list expands and opens my heart to more of His abundance.

For my heritage of faith, the words echoing from a fragile red leather diary, for parents who cherished me and my brothers, for husband and family that I adore, for a family of faith and for co-workers and friends, I am blessed beyond words.  This is Thanksgiving.

The inheritance

Every now and then, I pull out the old diaries that fell to me when Mom died a few years ago.  She was apparently the keeper of the journals and diaries of her ancestors; these volumes are rich with family information as well as historical tidbits from their day.

The diary I picked up today was dated 1907, and was written in the hand of my great-grandmother.  I immediately turned to the November 13 entry which was a Friday that year.

"Cold. Charlie here we put up big room stove & also coal stove in library ...did not have enough pipe. Pa went to Walton to get pipe...I finished pillowcases & done lots of other things. Got sup(per), Aunt Sarah went over to Pearl Fitsers in afternoon. Bill Tritt here for poultry; sold him 8 turkey hens for $9.96.  W. Devinney here got 2 turkey  hens & 9 chickens for $4.64. Brother B here at night, helped us fix stovepipe."

Exactly 104 years ago those words were written in pencil, in a small red leather book with lined and numbered pages.  The book is now faded, tattered and fragile, but the entries are like a time capsule taking me back to a time entirely unfamiliar to the life I know in 2011.

Even before reading any of my ancestors' writings, I have made efforts to journal also, in the hope that one day my words might have a lasting value of some degree to someone, if for no other reason than to note the passage of time and the change in our culture.  I saved a couple of my journals, and I have made stabs on computer also to record happenings and events for the purpose of sharing with generations after mine.  It isn't that I have a lot to say about today's world.  It's more about sharing my little corner of the world so that the generations following mine will see that some things never change.

It is a daunting task to write daily, as my forefathers did.  Several of them were prolific and wrote faithfully. Some entries are short and only include weather and what they had for dinner.  But this is at least a record for someone after them to read, thereby providing a glimpse - just a passing scene or two - of the life they led those many years before.

I have found in more than one of the old journals several references to faith in Christ and an active involvement in church.  This makes me smile, and it gives me hope that the faith I am planting in the hearts and minds of my grandchildren might some day come to fruition.  The inheritance of faith is the only treasure that matters.  Of all the "stuff" left behind by my parents, it is photos and these journals that matter the most to me.

The Bible has a lot to say about our inheritance and what we leave to others, also.  But it's not always about stuff....

Proverbs 12:22....A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous.

Psalm 33:12....Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance.

Colossians 1:12....giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Colossians 3:24... since you know you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

As the holidays approach, it is another reminder to me that time waits for no one.  Seasons change, new life is born into this world, and at the same time other lives come to an end.  There is nothing any of us can do to stop the passage of time.  What we can do, though, is to make the most of the days we have.  Am I doing enough to spread the Gospel of Christ to others, especially within my own family?  Am I making the most of my days, or am I wasting time in frivolous and unnecessary activities?  How does my commitment to Christ "show" in my daily life?

Today with Thanksgiving just around the corner, I am praising God for my ancestors - and for my inheritance of not only relationships and people, but also my precious inheritance of saving faith.  What a delight it will be to one day find those members of my family among the saints in Heaven.  We have so much to talk about!

Colossians 1:11
...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

In keeping with my original reason for launching this blog, today I am craving God more than ever.  I am finding Him present around every corner, in songs on the radio, in conversations with children, in emails from friends, in Bible study lessons, in expressions of love given and received.

Soon the table will be spread with Thanksgiving turkey and dressing and all the trimmings.  Before I get caught up in the Season, let it be said today that I praise God for giving me a heart that continues to beat and a mind that continues to work.  I praise Him for friends, family, technology, journals, inheritance of faith, abundance of food and an over-abundance of tangible stuff.  I praise Him for the opportunity work at a job that I love, to be intimately involved in the lives of people, and for His saving grace.  Truly, God is good.... all the time.

Complacent, who me?

With every deliberate change in habit or lifestyle, there are times that the change itself grates on me, like an emery board on a fingernail.  Even though I know in my mind, believe in my heart and understand with every fiber of my being that the change is pleasing to God, I find the old rebellion creeping into my thoughts.

Psalm 30:9......These are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the Lord's instruction.

I'm afraid that's me, over and over.  I seemingly learn a "lesson" - even one that I've sought out myself, gone to the Lord to learn - and the moment things don't go my way, I'm ready to bail and return to my old ways.

These past few days I've been on a weight plateau.  Okay, before you say "Blah, blah, blah...", hear me out.  Learning to crave God more than food, drink and "stuff" has truly become a way of life for me.  No argument.  But it's much easier to  expound that truth when the weight is coming off quickly and easily.  That's what happened to me the first eight weeks - I simply ate the things that seemed healthiest, allowed hunger to be a part of my day, faithfully studied God's Word and sought Him out more and more, and the weight fell off my body.  But now I'm ten weeks into my redirected life, and the weight loss is slowing down to a crawl, or it seems so at least.

This disappointing fact led me today to search out the words "complacent" and "comfortable" in the Scriptures.  I did not find those words, per se, but I did find related verses that God thought I needed to take a look at.  Not surprising, He led me in a different direction from complacent - toward "longing":

Psalm 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Psalm 37:23
The Lord delights in the way of the man whose steps he has made firm...

Deuteronomy 6:14
Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; for the Lord your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you...

Deuteronomy 28:65
Among those nations you will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of your foot.  There the Lord will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart.

Psalm 112:10
The wicked man will see and be vexed, he will gnash his teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

A weight plateau is nothing new, nor is it the end of the world.  It is what it IS.  It is a "resting place" as I continue my journey toward a healthier Me.  I see from His Word that He fully expects me to continue on, reaching for His strong hand and endeavoring to catch up to His quick strides. God is certainly using this little detour to remind me that, once again, He is in control.  If I've learned anything these past ten weeks, it's that God truly is in control. 

My willpower?  Weaker than watery Kool Aid.  God led me to crave Him at this point in my life to demonstrate that my willpower is practically non-existent.  That's why I need Him.

I sing the mighty power of God, That made the mountains rise;
That spread the flowing seas abroad, And built the lofty skies.
I sing the wisdom that ordained The sun to rule the day;
The moon shines full at His command, And all the stars obey.

I sing the goodness of the Lord, That filled the earth with food;
He formed the creatures with His word, And then pronounced them good.
Lord, how Thy wonders are displayed, Where'er I turn my eye;
If I survey the ground I tread, Or gaze upon the sky.

(Isaac Watts, 1715)

So that you do not think me a whiner. I must say in my defense that my yo-yo weight the past 50+ years has been a struggle that I would not wish on my worst enemy.  What I LONG for, what I DESIRE, what I SEEK is stability.  I have no aspirations of reaching the Wii Fit 119.5 pounds recommended weight.  What I do aspire to is a reasonable weight so that I may better function as a human being.  What I pray for is a heart that is more willing to serve God everyday, not just on certain designated days.  What I strive for is to hear Him rewarding me with encouraging words, confirmation that He walks the road along with me.

Today, even though I am human and still have human disappointments and struggles, I sing the mighty power of God.

Life is dessert

It's been several day since my last post.  Life has been very busy recently, and the days ebb and flow, one into another.  Some nights when I lie down to sleep I wonder what happened to the 16 or 17 hours just past... where did they go? 

One Thousand Gifts, which I am re-reading and savoring even more the second time through,  reminded me this week that "Life is dessert - too brief to hurry.  You don't want to wolf it down."  Like the author, "I want to slow down and taste life, give thanks and see God."

Seeing God in all the small stuff is not entirely new to me, but these past few weeks my antennae have been especially fine-tuned to His presence and His creation.  I tear up at the sight of a sunrise, at the hum of the combine outside my window, at the sight of the orangey gold maple leaves falling to the ground... the sky seems more brilliant than in past autum seasons, but I KNOW it's been like this before. It's just that... well, I'm aware, much more aware of what God is up to. 

This journey of learning to crave God more than food and "stuff" has taken up residence in my heart and soul.  Oh sure, I have moments when I "don't want to do this anymore" but it's a short argument in my own mind:  If I don't do this anymore, look at what I am giving up - and look at what I am wasting.  Discipline has never been one of my best traits.  If it were, I would never have gotten so extremely heavy in the first place.  So the battle for my mind continues between God and the Evil One who would like for me to give up, give in, throw in the towel and have a slice of devil's food cake!

The UP side to continuing my journey has so many aspects that I cannot name them all.  It's obvious that I will continue toward a healthy weight, even though I may never arrive at my "ideal weight" according to the Wii-Fit that antagonizes me daily (119.5... REALLY???????).  I will continue to have health benefits that I currently enjoy - no indigestion, less joint pain, better sleep pattern.  My joy will hopefully continue to erupt more frequently - sometimes I just want to shout to the wind how GREAT GOD IS! And the biggie: my walk with the Lord Jesus Christ has grown closer.  I'm beginning to hear His sandals scuffing along the sidewalk beside me.

In order to grow stronger in discipline and stronger in my faith, it's imperative that I stay in God's Word - everyday.  As Ann Voskamp puts it, "Without God's Word as a lens, the world warps."  That's putting it mildly.

My own world is by no means perfect.  I see room for change and improvement all around me and every time I look in the mirror.  But I'm taking firm steps forward and  "...always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."  (Ephesians 5:20)

I've recently witnessed bitterness and discontent in the hearts of two elderly ladies.  My greatest fear is that will be ME someday.  Did those women ever feel as I do now... that God is GREAT and that He is all I need?  If so, when and how did they lose that knowledge?  Life is dessert...and I refuse to hurry through it.

Danger ahead

After reading that author Lysa TerKeurst at one point actually licked a paper plate clean of pizza tidbits, I decided that nothing is sacred in this journey of learning to crave God more than food and stuff.  If she can share that story, I should be able to share likewise with those who take time to read these ramblings of my heart.

Ok, before Hershey's changed their wrappings, there was a white waxy paper underneath the trademark brown Hershey Bar outer wrap.  I loved that white wrapper - you see I have been known to chew the wrapping after consuming the candy.  Yep. There it is. I never ate it, I just chewed it - didn't want to miss out on any tiny speck of chocolate.

In addition, I have tucked away (not hidden, though!) candy, snack crackers, pretzels, chips, cookies (need I continue?) in my desk drawer at work. There is still a stash in residence!  And on Monday I will empty it out into the trash!  Do you know that I have not once been tempted these past few weeks to even OPEN that drawer?  And until I sat down to write this entry, I had actually forgotten it was there.

There have been other food attachments I could confess, but no need... I think you get the point here.  I was addicted to food - and not just food, but the types of foods that do nothing beneficial for God's temple, AKA my earthly body.

The DANGER reflected in the title today is that I will fall back into old habits.  I've lost and regained more than an entire person in my lifetime! And I could say "been there, done that, got the t-shirt"..... Passing a milestone as I did today used to be cause for CELEBRATION.   And what is celebrating without food?  In fact this very week, a well-meaning co-worker who is young, lovely and thin, said "Would you like a celebratory pumpkin donut? I'll buy..."  In past weak moments of excitement and joyful celebration, I have said "yes" to such an offer.  But this time I declined.  I am learning, albeit slowly, that FOOD is not the answer.  I have always loved parties, celebrations, dinners, carry-ins, etc., especially at work where it's such a pick-me-up from the regular work day.  But, again, I am LEARNING to celebrate with others while abstaining from those foods that will most assuredly cause me to stumble.

Let me remind you that I am not doing this of my own power.  It is all about GOD.  With His help I have been successful in making healthier choices --- I think I now own stock in Freshlike frozen mixed vegetables (without potatoes),  Seckle pears, Michigan cottage cheese, Aunt Millie's low fat/sugar free potato bread, plain unsalted almonds, Ocean Spray Craisins, Romaine lettuce, Wish Bone Sweet & Spicy Reduced Calorie French Dressing and Tyson boneless/skinless chicken thighs.  Sigh.  HOWEVER, the DANGER sign is always in front of me, challenging me at every turn, taunting me at every milestone.  The DANGER can be as simple as a celebratory donut or perhaps melted butter on my popcorn or splurging on KFC Original  Recipe.

I've been SUCCESSFUL in the past losing weight.  The DANGER has always been in relaxing my defenses, feeling proud of what I've done to the point of lying to myself that I really CAN eat like other people and maintain a healthy weight.  With this body and this metabolism, I cannot do that.  I am learning to accept that and adjust my eating habits accordingly.  No more feeling sorry for myself when other THINNER people don't gain weight from eating 2 chili cheese dogs, large French fries and a 32 oz Coke! 

After only 8 weeks of following God's direction, reading and re-reading the Scriptures and Made to Crave, I am humbled to be 20.4 pounds lighter than when I began this journey.  People have asked what my goal weight is... and truly I do not have one.  My goal is to please God by bowing to Him in submission.  Several times a day I ask for grace and a healthier spiritual life as well as a healthier body.  He knows far better than I what is best for this body, and He is guiding my taste buds through all the pitfalls and roadblocks.

Another DANGER is announcing to the world on Facebook what my progress looks like!  But in the spirit of being completely transparent, I am doing that.  This makes me accountable to all my Facebook friends! So keep the comments coming! I value your input!

From Made to Crave:
"God, I recognize I am made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by food.  I need to eat to live, not live to eat.  So, I keep asking for Your wisdom to know what to eat and Your indwelling power to walk away from things that are not beneficial for me."

There is Joy in the Journey!

Transformation

When I began blogging a few weeks ago, I was just beginning my journey of learning how better to crave my Savior from the depths of my heart.  My reason for heading out on this quest was weight loss, plain and simple.  I had heard enough about Lysa TerKeurst's book to feel curious.  I delved into its pages and curiosity gave way to discovery.  Then discovery gave way to acceptance. Acceptance led to commitment.  And now commitment is the name of the game.

It's been nearly two months so far.  And for me, this is now a way of life.  What's the old adage?  A new habit takes three weeks to develop?  I would agree with that.  And after three weeks, the new habit can become a way of life.  How had it missed this in years past?  I have no idea.  But perhaps God saved it as a bonus to encourage me during my "golden years"!  Whatever the plan, I am glowing from the inside out with where this journey has led me. And I can't wait to see where He leads me next.

There have been several benefits to the weight loss that I did not expect or even contemplate.

With about nineteen pounds gone from this earthly body, here is the short list of benefits I've encountered:
* a lighter heart
* joy that helps me look on the bright side
* more restful sleep
* fewer headaches
* no indigestion
* clearer thinking (no comments, please)
* allergies have improved - and some of my new meds have been put "on hold"
* more energy
* less joint pain
* less pain in my feet, to the point of putting my prescription orthotics on the shelf!
* more interest in life!
* more enthusiasm for a new adventure
* less sleep required

The thing that I thought I craved was to "lose weight". And that has begun happening at a surprisingly steady pace.  What I discoverered that I truly craved was the attention and love of my Heavenly Father.  I always knew He was there for me, but somehow I had missed out on the fact that He desires my fellowship... And now I desire His fellowship in a deeper way than ever before.

In loving kindness Jesus came
My soul in mercy to reclaim,
And from the depths of sin and shame
Thro' grace He lifted me.

From sinking sand He lifted me,
With tender hand He lifted me,
From shades of night to plains of light,
O praise His name, He lifted me!
(text and music:  Charles H. Gabriel)

Gifts

Have you ever been given such an amazing, indescribable gift that you hestitate to share it with anyone?  My fear is that it will no longer seem so marvelous if I let others in on the secret.  Silly?  Perhaps.  But a human fear nonetheless.

In recent weeks I've stepped up my reading.  The book that got me started blogging has been described on this site and I've quoted from its pages repeatedly.  Made to Crave (Lysa TerKeurst) got under my skin as no other book has done in many years.  The title provides a clue to its life-changing, thought-provoking words.  I cannot imagine reading this book without "being changed" from the inside by the Holy Spirit.  From those pages I learned in a new way that God loves me and DESIRES my fellowship, not just my prayers and petitions.  Learning to crave God is a process, and I will be in this process until I leave this earth.  However the fact that I took in Lysa's words and applied them to my personal, daily life is proof that God still works. And He is not finished with me yet.  Craving God was a new thought to me, yet the information Lysa imparts in her book is readily available to me, as it is to all of us, through the pages of the Scriptures.  She became my guide on this journey, and I will always be thankful for her wisdom in writing Made to Crave.

The second recent read that followed close on the heels of Made to Crave is One Thousand Gifts, A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp.  This book is a must-read for any Christian seeking a closer walk with Christ.  I will not give away the story, but the premise involves becoming aware of His gifts to you, to me, to all who accept them.  I was truly mesmerized by Ann's poetic words and her heartfelt writing style.  I cried many tears reading One Thousand Gifts.  It is packed with words and phrases I do not want to lose!  I had purchased it for my Kindle and found myself highlighting about every other page!  So when I was finished reading it on the Kindle, I ordered the hardcover version so that I can highlight and flip back through to my heart's content, re-reading Ann's story and relishing the retelling.  She is a gifted author, and this is a book I shall treasure.  It was a GIFT to me!

These two volumes have altered the way I think about God, His Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  Not only how I think of the Trinity, but also how I interact with God... and with other people.  And that is the ultimate gift: learning straight from God's mouth how to be His child in this world of hopelessness, despair, dejection, depression, denial, drudgery, materialism, and selfish ambition.  From His mouth to my heart, I am changed.  He is the ultimate Giver of gifts, and I am the grateful and humble recipient.

Today I am thanking Him for books... and for authors so gifted that I believe He has inspired their works.  These women give me courage to step forward more boldly in the name of Christ, forsaking that which has the potential to drag me down and hinder my progress.  Today I am also thanking Him for life... and for every sweet moment I had the privilege of living THIS DAY.  Tomorrow may never come!  So let it be said that I lived TODAY to the fullest.

..In your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect.  --1 Peter 3:15

Regrettably, I have not always lived my days for a holy purpose.  Selfishness is a sin that I struggle with daily!  I cannot go back - hindsight is 20/20, but taking to heart the words from 1 Peter 3:15, coupled with the inspired thoughts of Lysa and Ann, I can change.  I can apply God's teachings and their wisdom as I head down the road.  October has been a milestone in my Christian walk.  Today I am more alert to His desires for me.  My head is held high, my heart beats wildly to serve, and my feet fairly float above the dirt.  My eye is on the Prize.

Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.  --1 Peter 2:10

He is my Sanctuary

Every now and then I feel a special tug on my soul which I now attribute to the Holy Spirit simply letting me know He is here.....  Yesterday I experienced one  one of those times, and I'm still enjoying the afterglow of the moment.  It took place just south of here as I went with 3 friends to celebrate a birthday in Zionsville. 

I had been to Zionsville several times, but never to the Sanctuary.  Perhaps you have heard of it?  A former church building, it is now the gallery and restaurant owned by artist Nancy Noel.  The Sanctuary lived up to its name.  And I was awestruck by sights not only of Nancy's beautiful and distinctive artwork throughout the building, but also by the feeling of calmness and peace that seemed to blanket the place.  A church pew was part of our lunch seating and lovely old stained glass windows glowed beside our table as the October sun streamed through the golds, greens and yellows.  We celebrated Phyllis's upcoming birthday and then headed downstairs (to the church basement) to shop and, as it turned out, to meet Nancy. 

What a gift from God, truly, to be in such a beautiful place, surrounded by such breathtaking art, to be with good friends, to unhurried without a crowd of shoppers, and to have the added bonus of meeting Nancy Noel who chatted amiably with us as if she had nothing else on her agenda.  In fact, she was to leave shortly but lingered over our purchases, signing them individually as we looked on.  She even consented to being part of a group picture to commemorate our day together.

The Sanctuary was more than a restaurant and gallery for me yesterday. In my recent quest to crave God more than food and things of this world, I've gotten back to basics in Scripture that remind me repeatedly of His goodness and His provision in that "Everything is permissable but not everything is beneficial"... (1 Corinthians 10:23).  I wrote about this verse in my last post!  Well, it's still ringing in my ears... God's Word has a way of doing that, coming back to me over and again.  Perhaps I am a slow learner and need the repitition. 

Judging from the menu, the food offered for lunch all sounded absolutely delectable and as I glanced at plates being delivered to other lunchers, I nearly caved in to the desire for pot pie or quiche. After all, it was a special occasion!  But in the end, I knew it's not really about the food - it's about the experience of being together in such a special place for a special occasion.  So whatever I ate would sustain me, and I need not fret over eating just for the sake of eating.  The specialness was NOT the food, in my view.  My choices ended up not complimenting one another in the taste department - that's the part I did not think through very well. But both items were delicious in their own right.  I chose a cup (not a bowl) of Italian minestrone soup and a side of Nancy's Beets Salad.  The flavors were too strong for the same plate - but each was wonderful.  The Roobieredtea was wonderful and I will be searching for it online!

GOD is showing up everywhere I go these days... as if He were not normally there, you might say!  Well, let's just say I'm FINDING Him everywhere I go.  Yesterday He was very present in the Sanctuary.  Check it out for yourself. And be sure to take a camera.

The good news for me this morning, after dining at the Sanctuary, is that I was rewarded by a 1.5 pound weight loss, something that's been eluding me the past few days.  Thank You again, Lord.  You are my Portion and my Sanctuary!

The nuts & bolts

Several of you have asked exactly what "eating plan" I am following. The answer is NONE.  I've alluded to this in past posts, but perhaps now it's time to explain exactly what I eat, when and how much.  So here's the nuts and bolts of my daily food intake (not diet).

I believe the Scriptures are clear about eating that which is "beneficial" to the body:

Everything is permissable - but not everything is beneficial.  Everything is permissable - but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.  Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it."  --1 Corinthians 10:23-25

So, after reading Made to Crave, I started with this question: What foods available to me are most beneficial? 

From my past participation in Weight Watchers (thank you, Renee) and study of other materials as well, I can safely say that vegetables are an excellent food to include in my daily intake.  And the greener the better - more food value.  Those that are white or pale are starchier and less constructive. That does not mean I don't consume corn or potatoes, just that they are not in my daily selections.  I choose to consume them less frequently, based upon what I know about vegetables.  So vegetables of any description are high on my list of daily foods. 

Examples of vegetables that I most enjoy include: Brussels sprouts, asparagas, green beans, onions, fennel (yes it is tasty!~), tomatoes (actually a fruit but served as a vegetable), carrots,  squash of several varieties, mushrooms, lettuces, peppers, broccoli, celery.  I am blessed to have a good personal relationship with vegetables. I hear from some of you that vegetables are not your "thing".  But try a new one every week or so - maybe your taste buds have matured since you were a toddler!  Beets are loaded with nutrients and very few calories!  Try beets if you have not done so recently.

Second on my list of beneficial foods is fruit.  With fruit I am more selective, but still there is plenty of choice available most of the time.  Fresh is best but many canned fruits are now packed in fruit juice instead of a sugary syrup so this makes them much lower in calories.  My favorite fruits include strawberries, blueberries, red raspberries, apples, pears, peaches, cantalope.

Protein is important for building healthy cells.  I am limiting my portions of meat but daily have some kind of protein.  On a typical day, I have an egg of some preparation or peanut butter, chicken, pork or beef.  Also included in protein but crossing over into dairy is cheese - especially cottage cheese. 

Dairy is also a proven beneficial food group.  Daily I have some kind of dairy product, either lowfat/fat free yogurt or milk. 

Carbohydrates are also important to keep me filled up and to provide lasting energy.  Included in my list of carbs are Sandwich Thins, low calorie high fiber bread, Cheerios, oatmeal.

Eating something sweet is an area that I just could not give up for the long-haul!  So I perused the grocery shelves and found ginger snaps which speak to my desire for something sweet, savory & crunchy!  The sweetness is minimal, but these little cookies fill the bill for all 3 of these areas.  I carry a few ginger snaps in the car for those times when I must have a sweet snack.  I eat 1 or 2, no more than that, at a time.  In addition, I eat Quaker low calorie granola bars (chocolate chip are my favorite) a few times a week to satisfy that sweetness and they are high in nutrition as well.

I've also become fond of the 100-calorie packs of almonds to satisfy my need to crunch.  And nuts are a good source of nutrition as well.  Along with almonds, I've found a couple of mixtures of trail mix that include dried berries and I eat that sparingly as well.  Occasionally I enjoy popcorn (yes, popped in oil) but not as often as I once did.

Beverages include ice tea, coffee, ice coffee, water, Crystal Lite.

Quantities were more problematic than the food choices when I began depending upon God to be my Guide.  For me, the best rule of thumb is not to eat nearly as much as I once did, no matter what food I am consuming.  Even if it's mixed vegetables for lunch with cottage cheese and 1/2 a peanut butter sandwich... Eating more slowly helps me realize when I no longer feel hungry.  Frankly, and this is hard to admit, I finally learned what hunger feels like just a few weeks ago.  The ugly truth is that for years I've eaten my way through the day, from breakfast until bedtime, often consuming food out of habit or simple "desire" than hunger.

I am learning that I do not require nearly as much food as I once believed to be satisfied.  No second helpings, no matter what.  And leaving food on my plate is not a sin.  The leftovers are great for my next day's lunch.

For me (and your metabolism may be far different than mine), it seems to work out best to have my largest meal at midday.  So my supper is fairly limited, often consisting of only vegetables and/or salad.  I enjoy snacks everyday, mostly celery sticks (the precut varieties are amazingly crunchy and fresh and I don't have to clean the celery to enjoy it!), an apple, a few pretzels, ginger snaps, almonds or trail mix.  Also for me, evening snacks have been nearly eliminated.  I have been an "evening snacker" all my life!  And for my own health, I had to make the painful decision to stop because I know I'm not going to "exercise it off" after 9 P.M.!

So, there you have it.  It may not be what works for you, but this is what works for me.  And, oh by the way, prayers of thanksgiving are always on my lips.  With every bite, with every hunger pang, I am thanking God for His abundant provision and the discipline to "put my fork down". 

A vital part of this entire journey is having an accountability partner.  Lysa suggests it in her book, and I've found this little added feature to be extremely helpful.  Now, I not only have one partner, but two.  So each morning (without fail), I weigh on the Wii where my BMI is also calculated, and I immediately text my two buddies my loss/gain, my WEIGHT and my total loss.  These two women are my cheering section, and I am theirs.  There's something about reducing the whole process to numbers that helps provide a firm foundation even on days where my walk is not as unfaltering as others.  Little replies of "wahoo" and "go, Jesus Girl" keep me smiling and I know God is pleased that we share this common expedition with Him as our GPS.

You see, even though it's about shedding pounds and "stuff", it's not about me at all.  It's all about HIM and how He is truly my Portion and my Guide. When I pray throughout the day, I am fully aware that I am doing something that pleases Him.    And each day when I wake up, I thank Him for putting it into Lysa TerKuerst's mind and spirit to write Made to Crave.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my  portion forever.  --Psalm 73:26

All about cake

One of the foods I've been doing without for about 7 weeks (except for my granddaughter's 7th birthday party) is cake.  Cake comes in a delicious variety of flavors, icings and fillings.  And cake is one of my most favorite foods in all the world, especially white cake with white buttercream frosting.

Getting in touch with GOD more closely and drawing on His strength and His voice of reason regarding food has, so far, been an interesting journey.  When I first set out, frankly, I did not think I could travel this road for very long. Past efforts to simply "put my fork down" have failed miserably.  The obvious difference is that I am placing my own desires well out of reach and learning to lean on GOD's willpower to make wiser food choices.

I have been pleasantly surprised that I've found the resolve to pray through moments of extreme temptation when cake is available.  I am acutely aware that this is truly GOD at work.  I have been offered cake of several varieties in the past few weeks, and each time I've declined. And as I sit here at the computer, I can almost taste the rich sweetness of white cake topped with buttercream frosting... my heart races at the thought of the momentary enjoyment this food brings me.  I love cake.

{I need to add at this point that I've not been any crankier than usual as I've withdrawn from cake, chocolate and other sugary treats.  Another surprise.  That's an aside - thought you might wonder if I'd been crying myself to sleep over cake-deprivation!  The answer is an emphatic NO.  I have been even-tempered and content.  And, after nearly 2 months, I'm beginning to get this idea that craving GOD is a lot more rewarding than craving food and stuff.}

So, I thought my desire for cake was locked up and the key was conveniently tossed out.  I thought I was not longing for cake. Remember? I've been praying through those moments of temptation.

And then Tuesday night this week I dreamed about... you guessed it: CAKE.  I was not eating the pieces of cake in the dream.  But there they were, already cut into squares (very large squares, I might add) and they were floating in the air around me.  One especially inviting selection was close enough for me to snatch and consume.

In the dream, I did not even attempt to touch the desserts I was seeing.  I did not cry out or scream or pray.  I would guess this dream lasted about 30 seconds (but what do I know about elapsed time where dreams are concerned?) and then it was over.  I escaped unscathed.

I'm not quite sure how to interpret this odd nighttime drama.  I dream frequently and often recall scenes easily.  This is the only one I remember that featured food instead of people.

Made to Crave author Lysa TerKeurst quotes 1 John 2:15-16 in regard to craving:
Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world.

She continues the theme further by discussing how Satan chooses his tactics.  He knows where we are weak. He desires to lure us away from God. And he knows what works - the cravings of the sinful man (woman), the lust of the eyes, and the boasting of what he has or does.

Even the subconscious mind can prove to be my enemy in the battle for willpower!  I awoke from the cake dream all the more determined to turn to GOD for satisfaction and contentment.  The cake I enjoy eating so much is, for the time being, a reminder that the slope is slippery and I could easily slide to destruction.  All for the momentary pleasure of tasting the rich sweetness across my lips.

Today I thank GOD once again for prodding me forward on this road to better physical health and, more importantly, better spiritual health.  It has become somewhat of a game for me to seek and find the word CRAVE in my everyday activities, reading, radio and TV exposure.  And I smile each time I find it, believing that GOD is cheering for me to succeed in my quest.  He knows my heart, my past, my needs, my future... and still He longs for me to draw closer to Him. 

Creator God, I don't quite understand why You love me so.  But I love You back.  Don't give up on me, please.  Help me to crave you completely. And please please make sure that there is lots of cake waiting for me, when I enter Your Kingdom.   Amen.

It wasn't just art

Yesterday was the Annual Grief Seminar at Goshen College which I've attended since its inception in 2003.  Originally I went for the purpose of gaining more knowledge so that I might serve clients better in connection with my job.  Now I go to find some encouraging words not only for others, but also for myself and for those in my little world. I no longer work daily with death and those it leaves behind.  But I do have a passion for those affected by death and, therefore, the opportunity to find even one more book or one more article is a burning desire that continues to spur me forward.

With all of that in mind, I invited a friend who lost an adult son last November to accompany me on my day away.  She accepted and we chatted all the way there and back, about everything under the sun.  And we soaked up what tidbits of grief "stuff" that were spoken or presented, some of which was over our heads.  However, there was a workshop presenter who caught our attention and captured our interest quickly.  He uses the free expression of painting on art board as a way for clients to not only tell their stories but also to reframe their own lives since the death occurred.  In no way can I adequately describe how he does his amazing work for these grievers.  The finished works he brought to the seminar spoke volumes about the impact this simple exercise could have on an individual.

He told us a couple of their stories as he exhibited their works.  He spoke quietly and with feeling - it was easy to see his heart was wrapped up in the people he served.

My friend and I discussed him and his "ministry" (he never called it that, but I see it that way) as we drove home.  For him it was a natural progression from being a working artist to going into bereavement counseling.  Art is in his soul.  Taking the required classes and pushing toward completion of his degree demonstrated that his own interests were being set aside so that he might serve someone in need of his unique talents.  And in so doing, he was more fulfilled than he had ever been working as an artist.  I was moved to tears by the powerpoint pictures of his studio as we sat in the darkened classroom, listening to his stories about the people whose works were on display.  And in him I found a godly servant who went the extra mile to obtain an education so that others might benefit from his expertise.  All of that led me meditate on this verse:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.   --Philippians 2:3

What if I did "nothing out of selfish ambition" just for one week?  What if I humbly considered others better than myself just for one week?

This blog is meant to not only provide me with a creative outlet, but also to encourage others.  Today, I encourage you to take Philippians 2:3 into your own heart and mind, and meditate on what it might mean for your life, just for one week.  There are days that I believe I do a pretty good job of putting others first, but there are many days that my own desires overtake me.  I want to want to do His will and to be less focused on myself.  Lord, help me, please, to do that this very day.

As far as Made to Crave goes today, let's put this verse into perspective in a personal way:  Although it will certainly benefit ME personally to lose weight and to decrease my lust for worldly "stuff", in the end it's about GOD.  For it was Him who made me; it was Him who called this body a temple to be honored and cared for.  It was Him who called me to serve others.  With a healthier body and mind - less focused on the desire for unhealthy food choices and less focused on acquiring "stuff" - I will be a better  child of God, better equipped, more thankful for His goodness and faithfulness. 

God continues to be my daily encourager in this effort.  Further down in Philippians 2, I find these words from verses 5 and 6:
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

While I know that in this life I can never attain perfection, I am promised to be seen as one who emulates Christ if I call on Him, rededicate my life daily and confess my shortcomings.  Prayerfully I enter this day, confident that the blood of Jesus washed away my sins and now leads me forward in grateful service to His people.

What talent are you hiding that might encourage someone today?

Practice makes perfect, eventually

These past few weeks I've probably searched out encouraging words in the WORD more times than in the several years prior to this combined.  Always there is the desire to find "just one more" verse that speaks to denying the physical body as I draw closer to the Savior and seek His desires for my life.  So tonight I've been turning the pages of an old Bible that I'd not opened in awhile.  It's a New American Version which I've abandoned, for the most part, in favor of the NIV and New Living Translations.  But this particular Bible and I go back a long way; we have a history.  And that history is marked by fading highlighted passages and lots of notes scribbled in the margins. 

I thumbed through the once-familiar notations and prayed for guidance about a passage to meditate on this evening.  The verse I settled on is from Philippians 4:6...  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

At this moment I can name a minimum of six close friends who are going through difficult personal struggles.  Their battlefield is not as straightforward as mine.  Their journeys are riddled with debris along the way and potholes in the roadway. One grieves the loss of her father. Another is sorrowful over a serious accident.  Still another is searching for answers to a family issue that affects many people.  Someone else is facing life after cancer surgery.  The list goes on.  These are the battles where I believe the Lord is needed.  My little battle with food and the lust for things of this world do not even make the Top 100 Problems To Take To Jesus.

Yet, the Apostle Paul is clear when he says,  Be anxious for nothing...  We all have our own daily problems, issues, circumstances and disagreeable situations to put on our personal prayer lists.   And in my childlike faith, I believe that means the Creator of the Universe cares for every single one of us and whatever disturbs us, no matter the size or weight of the problem at hand.

I've walked those roads in the past that some of my friends are traveling today.  I've lived through cancer, through seeing my mother and brother survive a serious accident, I've made it beyond the loss of my parents and other issues as well.   And, understanding the need to be held up in prayer, today I am deeply involved in praying for those in my corner of the world who are currently under attack.  I love these women and care more than I can express about each of those on my list!

However, their current situations should in no way diminish my own need to lay down my burdens at the feet of the Savior as well.  Sounds shallow and a bit selfish, doesn't it?  Why would Jesus possibly care about whether I lose a pound while some are hovering between life and giving up on life?

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Reading the verse again and taking it apart phrase by phrase, I see the key: by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I am not a theologian, nor a scholar of the Bible in any way.  I just happen to believe that the Bible was written for simple people to chew on just as much as it was for those with six letters behind their surnames.

Today, in spite of the serious nature of others' circumstances and needs, I can continue to claim GOD's promises for me.  In the area of food and lusting after things of this world, I make my request known to GOD as I thank Him for seeing His children as equally in need of His attention, no matter the current crisis, large or small.

Further down in chapter 4 of Philippians, I see verse 9, with my ballpoint underlining as follows, The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you.

Practice makes perfect.  In this life, I shall never reach perfection, but in the sight of God, one day I shall be perfect.  So today I commit to once again continue my own journey as I practice these things.

In the margin I see an old notation written near Philippians 4,

Contentment: freedom from the world.

O Lord, hear my humble prayer.  Grant me contentment as I give my own will over to you.  Be my portion, now and forever.

Satisfying my appetite

"All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied." --Ecclesiastes 6:7

Today I offer my thanks to Mike Montgomery at Walton Christian Church for delivering a message that led me to read the verse quoted above.  His message did not focus on this verse, but it was among those he cited to make his point.  And you can readily see why this particular scripture spoke to ME!

I've read verses in front of this one and behind it since coming home from church.  Solomon had a lot to say about the emptiness of our earthly existence.  He found it all to be meaningless - and brief.

Perhaps the brevity of life is what has prevented me in the past for truly taking to heart the need to reign in my appetite for things I find pleasing to eat and drink.  After all, why BOTHER to be on a weight loss program when my life is no more than a vapor that evaporates in the wind?  Is it worth the torture of going without the tantalizing treats that beckon me from every TV ad, every restaurant billboard, every grocery or convenience store? 

And just in case you hadn't noticed, not only can you purchase coffee and Krispy Kremes from the corner quick-stop, you can now find frozen Cokes, latte's, cappucinos, delectable muffins, HUGE chocolate chip cookies, pies and, of course, the plethora of Hostess and Little Debbie cakes and rolls.  It's no wonder America is getting fatter by the year. (That's not a criticism - I have been as guilty as anyone  for being found weak in this area of temptation!)

But I digress... forgive me. 

It's true that my physical appetite is never satisfied.  I can sit down to a steak, baked potato, green beans, salad and roll and be completely FULL but not satisfied.  Hmmmm... I think I need something sweet to finish off dinner and to cleanse the palate.  A cookie will fill the bill.  An hour later I remember fondly the sweet taste and the soft chewiness of that cookie, and I think I need one or two more to tide me over until snack time. Well, you can't have a snack of cookies without milk, so I pour a coffee mug of the yummy cold stuff to dunk my two (or what it three?) cookies. Then snack time comes and I eat, because ... well, it's time.  I've been told (even by doctors) it's better to eat "6 small meals a day instead of 3 large meals".  Well, define a small meal for me.  I'm no good at portion control.  So I come to snack time and eat an apple - good choice.  Excellent in fact.  Then it's nearing bedtime but going to bed without a lick of peanut butter would make me cranky so I get out the peanut butter jar.  I'm not hungry, I just think I need the peanut butter to "tide me over till morning". 

My one large meal should have more than sufficed for my entire evening, but I've added at least three cookies, a mug of milk and a healthy tablespoon of peanut butter in addition to the apple.  Welcome to my past logic!  On their own, none of those snacks would be bad at all... if taken alone.  See how I used to rationalize my overeating? My bad habits are coming back to haunt me as I read this verse: "...yet his appetite is never satisfied."

Sitting here at the computer, pondering what I've written, I thumb through the Psalms. And sure enough - there it is. Another verse that illustrates GOD'S point about appetite.  "The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods."  (Psalm 16:4)  Although Mike did not cite this verse today, this was the point of his message... gods with a small g versus THE GOD with a capital G. 

Maybe I'm reading into these verses something that's not really there.  But I prefer to think that GOD is using His Word and other people to remind me of His basic truths when it comes to food and appetite.  1. He provides all I NEED every day, every meal, 2. What I want is not necessarily what I need, and 3. I dwell far too much on food and not enough on the Lord's goodness.

I am a recovering overeater.  I was made to crave GOD.  I was created in His image. I have a free will.  I choose to bring my will in line with His. I choose to dwell on His great love, His mercy, His goodness and His guidance.  I refuse to dwell on satisfying every craving for food and drink.

Thanks, Mike, for listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit as you wrote your message for today.

One more verse..
"Lord,  you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." --Psalm 16:5

Chiseling the marble

I've been reading a wonderful novel entitlted The Sacrifice by Robert Whitlow.  It contains many truths and the spiritual lessons cause me to think beyond the story line.

One of those lessons is this:
"The difficult people and circumstances in life are often the tools God uses to bring forth the enduring beauty of Christian character.  If we want to be transformed, we have to be changed.  One of the ways God uses is the challenge of difficult relationships."

In an earlier paragraph is this:
"God wasn't using angels to do the work of changing me; he was relying upon my enemies."

I've been extracting these spiritual truths and applying them to my own life in very practical ways.  For instance this particular lesson speaks to me in the area of FOOD.  Yes, FOOD can be my enemy!  And I have a history of a difficult relationship with it.  I've been asking God for several years why I must endure the extreme fluctuation of my weight.  Whether I've been on a "program" or not, my weight has never remained the same from season to season without a huge struggle.  And I will acept the blame for poor eating habits as well as lack of discipline. It's a vicious cycle: gain, go on a program, lose, feel better, lose disciplined habits, eat, gain, go on a program, lose, feel better... well, you get the idea.

Somehow God got my attention a few weeks ago.  And His persistence in bringing Proverbs 31 Ministries to my ears as I listened to the radio finally resulted in my purchasing Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  At first I thought, "What's the use?  I've done virtually EVERY weight loss program known to man or woman in the 21st century!  Why try THIS?"  But once I began reading, I realized that THIS one is truly different.  THIS one is based on God's promises, His love, His will, His discipline, His desire for me come into line with His will!  Without HIM, this book would be just another book.

So food can be an enemy.  I'll give you that.  Even though food is necessary for the sustaining of life, it had become my God. I love to eat - I repeat: I LOVE TO EAT.  Oh, I loved the Lord Jesus Christ.  And I followed much of His teaching.  But in the area of food, I held out because I could not imagine it was really a sin to enjoy the bounty around me.  Then a funny thing happened.  Through prayer, searching out scripture that extoled God's  many virtues including faithfulness, I decided I would give this a "go".  So I'm still putting down my fork.  And I'm craving food less.  When offered food selections that in the past would have put me over the moon in delight, I am saying "No, thank you.  I'll pass today." Refusing a tasty treat now does not mean I won't ever enjoy it again. It just means I'm choosing to eat healthier today.

Every morning I'm excited and a little nervous to once again get weighed!  But the only disappointing scale-moments have followed instances where I knew I had fallen off the wagon.  If I am faithful - truly faithful - to put down my fork, to experience hunger pangs and to pray when I'm unsure if I really need food, God is rewarding my efforts.  What a gift God has given me and many many other women!  Lysa TerKeurst hit the nail right on the head with her wonderful volume!

My weight continues to drop, little by little.  And food is no longer Public Enemy #1.  The healthier choices and smaller portions are seeing me through.  God is in this program.  And I am feeling closer to Him than ever before.

Keep chiseling away, Lord! There's a thin person clamoring to get outta this hunk of marble!

Fill My Cup Really Full... Please

At church yesterday we sang an old hymn that I grew up loving and playing on the piano.  But when we sang it yesterday, it suddenly sounded new. It was as though God had opened my heart to hear the lyrics in a completely new way!

Like the woman at the well, I was seeking
For things that could  not satisfy;
And then I heard my Savior speaking:
"Draw from My well that never shall run dry."

Fill my cup, Lord -
I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more -
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

These past few weeks God has used a number of ways to show me that HE is enough for me.  Through books, devotional messages, sermons, music, conversations, a Sunday school lesson, a greeting card... it seems that my ears and eyes have begun to grasp the Truth that the LORD is my portion.

Weight loss is such a tired topic in our society.  There are commercials in virtually every format for a myriad of products to help me shrink the fat, suck out the cellulite, drink away the hunger pangs, exercise without moving, feel full without eating.  Stay up past 1 A.M. and you will find weight loss paraphernalia not advertised during prime time TV!  The problem with all of these products is that they don't get to the heart of the matter.  Eating too much food, making poor choices and exercising too little are sure-fire ways to find yourself fighting the Battle of the Bulge.

I've been fighting this battle as long as I can remember.  Really.  From the time I was about 12 years  old, my Mom and I went on "diets" together. With my calorie book, spiral notebook, pencil and school pocket-folder, I recorded my food and calories, weighed faithfully and held my breath for even a smidgen of success.  She and I would have moderate losses and then yo-yo back up again, gaining more weight until we had to start the process all over again. 

At the tender age of 63, I am coming face to face with the Truth:  Weight loss cannot ever be 100% successful without putting God into the mix. 

Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more...

I am learning to pray when hunger pangs threaten.  I am learning to search out Scripture that glorifies God and shows our dependence upon Him.  I am learning to make wiser choices, most of the time, by being better prepared to make my own meals at home.  I am learning to say NO to others who unwittingly offer me tempting treats.  I am learning.  It's still a process.  I will never "arrive" in this life!  But I can find victory in Christ Jesus who says He can make me whole.

So, my brother, if the things this world gave you
Leave hungers that won't pass away,
My blessed Lord will come and save you,
If you kneel to Him and humbly pray.

On the next page after Fill My Cup, Lord in the hymnal that lies open on my desk is this one: Higher Ground.  Coincidence? 

From faith to life?

In a really good novel I recently read these lines:

"...unless belief produced day-to-day trust in God,

it could not be considered faith."

What does day-to-day trust look like?  The list is endless.....

* trusting that I will wake up after a night of sleep
* trusting that my lungs, heart, brain, nervous system and vital organs will keep me alive for another day
* trusting that HIS grace is sufficient for me, today and always
* trusting that He will guide my thoughts and desires, Him always increasing, me always decreasing
* trusting that the world will continue to turn on its axis, the sun will continue to shine, and GOD will not sleep
* trusting that those on the battlefield will be protected by GOD Himself and one another

I'm all over the place with this thought.  There are far too many possibilities to list.  But this evening, I am focusing on this one:

* the belief that I can trust GOD to carry me through change - I have faith that He can and will continue to do so because He loves me

Let's face it: GOD could, right now at this minute, redesign this human body of mine into a perfect size 6 with no hills and bumps, no bulges and dents, no muffin top or unsightly dimples in places they are not very attractive.  But His will for me is that I lean on Him for strength to make this temple into something healthier and more pleasing to my Heavenly Father.  I have serious doubts that a size 6 is in my future in THIS life, but there is lots of room for improvement between my current size and the ethereal size 6.  No, a miracle of a new earthly body is not going to happen.  Plain and simple.

I needed a biblical perspective for relying on GOD for food so I turned to the story of the Israelites AGAIN, how the people rose up against Moses and Aaron, complained about their plight of needing food (Exodus 16:2-4), and how God rained down manna.  I've written before about this instance on my blog.  It has a different slant this time......

God used the Israelites' food issues to depend upon HIM daily.

I believe that I can trust completely in my Heavenly Father for the food I need.  This belief must become FAITH for me to continue an eating "plan" that is not a plan at all.  It is simply TRUSTING God to say "You've had enough for now, My child.  Put down your fork.  There will be other meals.  Soon."

On my own, I cannot do this.  I have tried - I have cried - I have wailed - I have complained - I have pouted - I have wailed again.  On my own power, I cannot do this. But by faith I can continue to trust GOD day-to-day to show me His willpower in the area of food.  My willpower is worthless and of no use.  His willpower is perfect. And it is sufficient for me.

Last evening at a casual dinner with some old friends, I received a small gift from the only gentleman in the group.  It is a beautifully crafted card.  Inside the card he had personally inscribed these words:

"Let us in peace eat the food that God has provided for us. 

Praise be to God for all his gifts." --Armenia

How much more plain can this food issue be?  Read those lines again.  I praise God for all his gifts.  And I thank Him for friends who are His instruments.

Weekend or Weakened?

Today is Friday and it's been a good week for me.  First there was the Monday holiday, followed by allergy tests on Tuesday. So my work week was only 2 days this week which was a real treat.  A 4-day extended weekend culminated with a day off on Tuesday, almost like a mini-vacation.

In the past, this chain of events would have sparked a celebration - and celebrations are synonymous with food.  Bring on the treats! Splurge!  Live it up!  However this time, although my Old Self yearned to head to Blondie's for those Amish sugar cookies with the frosting and colored sugar on top, my New Self put on the brakes before I could make such a drastic turn.

What came to mind during this little internal battle was something Lysa said early on in her book:  "Define your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale."  You see, the number on the scale has not moved in the right direction for two days.  And that disappointment, coupled with the celebration of the mini-vacation, would normally be enough to send me back to Sugarland where Blondie's Cookies and frozen Cokes abound.

I am reminded once again that GOD knows my struggles and He cares for me, not necessarily my contentment.  And while He cares for me, the real lesson to be learned is the "O" word: obedience.  He cares so much for me that He wants my thoughts to turn to Him in the same way those thoughts used to turn to food.

I finished my first reading of Made to Crave yesterday during my lunch break.  As with many books, I was sorry to see the last page turn.  What I must do now to keep the momentum going, is to consult the notes and highlights.  And it's time to make the ingestion of GOD's Word a regular meal, not just a snack.  For too long I've gone to His well of Living Water for just enough to get me to the next drinking fountain.  For too long I've nibbled on the crumbs of notes left from a sermon stuck in my Bible instead of sitting down to the banquet He prepared for me.

It's a shame that a silly little instrument like a scale has so much impact on my life.  But that has been my yardstick for success in discipline and weight loss always.  The scale does not lie.  Getting weighed was proof positive whether I had been obedient in following the rules of whichever particular diet I was supposed to be following at the time.  How will I measure my obedience-success now?  GOD is in control.  And while I will continue to weigh my body striving for downward trends, the real "plan" is not about the food: it's about following God and feasting on His Word.

From Lysa: "Each time I craved something I knew wasn't part of my plan, I used that craving as a prompt to pray.  I craved a lot.  So, I found myself praying a lot."

This evening I am thankful for a God who loves me too much to leave me this way.  And I am thankful to a woman named Lysa who cared enough about other women to share her inspirational story in a way that encourages me forward.

Made for holiness

"It is good for God's people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation.  Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for."  --Lysa TerKeurst

To be completely honest, I had never considered the prospect that I WAS CREATED for holiness.  Ok, I read it somewhere in the Scriptures that we are to "be holy" as the Lord is holy.  But holiness is a BIG word which means to be set apart for His purpose.  Me?  Created for holiness?

Through studying Made to Crave, certain truths such as this one are being awakened in my soul.  Things I had HEARD or READ but never truly took in or comprehended.  You see, to say that the LORD GOD who created the universe wants ME for His purpose is quite humbling and a little frightening.  If He has created me for His purpose - if He has set me apart to be holy as He is holy, then much is expected from me, much more than I have ever before been willing to give.

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.  --2 Corinthians 7:1

Out of reverence for God... hmmm. There's no way around it.  What I have been doing for most of my adult life has been offensive to God.  By taking liberties with all of the less than healthy food choices available to me, by failing to exercise (sigh), by failing to develop discipline... I have been showing irreverence toward God.  My heart hurts to think I have caused Him grief.  Yet these choices are clearly not His will for me.  So, an abrupt about-face is in order.  Ask me if I'm ready for this change, and the response is a resounding NO.  But God expects me to act on this information - not just read it and put Lysa's book back on the shelf.  Since He made certain that it got into my hands in the first place, it's readily apparent that I am to be a doer of the Word, not just a hearer. (that's in the Bible somewhere, too)

Today's effort to sneak up on holiness involved food choices.  I was tempted by hot dogs, peanut M & Ms, real Coke and cookies.  But with the Creator of the universe encouraging me forward, I denied myself these tasty treats and chose salad, lowfat yogurt, a rice cake and celery.  The taste buds are still surprised.  And they are in for further surprises in the days ahead.  This is my journey.  But God is my Guide.  To stop along the way at the Buffet of the Forbidden Feast would disappoint Him, and would keep me from entering the Promised Land of Holiness.  He would soon grow tired of my circuitous route to the city limits!

As Lysa points out, becoming holy is not necessarily pleasant.  Like her, I want my very next choice to be high in calories, fried in fat and drizzled with something that makes my taste buds sing.  Yet do I want the victory?  You bet.  But I am a weak, pathetic human being who has been spoiled.  I can say I have been influenced by the media, advertisers, food artists, my family, the snack aisle at Kroger and the Food Network for my sordid past, but they cannot control my future.

Get this:
I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. (!) emphasis added Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. --Romans 6:19

This verse is aimed right at me in the 21st century, in Indiana, USA.

Make no mistake: I am not talking to anyone but myself here!  I know that I need to make strides toward holiness.  Discipline will be important on this journey.  I need for God to super-size my portion of discipline! I start projects with vigor and good intention, but fizzle before the finale.  Yet, He can show me how to develop this trait that I lack. And He will do so with the love and patience of a compassionate Father.

This day I am thankful that we serve a God of miracles!  Let the miracles unfold in my struggle. 

Lord, make me holy as You are holy.  Change my heart and mind. Change my focus and thinking.  Change my desire for the tasty treats that have brought me to this place.  Change my taste buds that they might no longer call me to destruction.  In the name of the One who loves me more than His very own life,  AMEN.

Please pass the celery

Celery is a delicious vegetable!  It's green and good for you, it's crunchy and helps keep the plaque off your teeth, and it's versatile.  It can be eaten raw alone, raw with peanut butter filling its little trough, raw with sour cream, chopped up raw in salad, sauted with fennel and onions, a great addition to a stir-fry concoction, a necessary ingredient in vegetable soup and an interesting basis for a creamy soup.  The problem is that I rarely CRAVE celery. I eat it and enjoy its flavor and various applications.  But it's not chips and salsa or salty potato chips.

Without a doubt, my mother fed me lots of celery when I was young.  She wanted me to love it so that my taste buds would accept it as the snack of choice.  While I did enjoy eating it from time to time as a child, I never asked for it if there was a ghost of a chance at getting something REALLY tasty like chips. Or cookies. Or cake. Need I go on?

Lysa TerKeurst addresses this issue head-on in Made to Crave, along about chapter 15.  Until that point in her challenging volume, I was not quite so convicted to rethink my desires for foods that are not quite as beneficial to the human body as celery.  In this important chapter, she introduces the idea of "parking her mind" in a place that does not call up saliva that would drool down the chin in eager anticipation of partaking of the not-so-good-for-you snack choices.

"I had to stop thinking about what I shouldn't have and park my mind on thoughts of being thankful for what I could have." (Lysa, chapter 15)

So today I purchased a ready-to-eat package of celery sticks.  A big one. No trimming needed, no waste, no cutting to the right size for the snack bags.  It couldn't be easier to make the healthy choice.  I'm counting big time on God's still small voice to remind me often the next few days that celery is good for me in every way. 

On my own, I cannot make myself crave celery.  But I am learning to turn to the One who created all the vegetation that we have in abundance to call me to the High Road.  When I'm tired and feel I "deserve" a handful of chips, I pray He steers my thoughts toward Him... and the benefits of ignoring the chips and heading toward the celery bag instead.

Some day I will taste chips again.  I will not live my life without ever tasting those treats for which there is no substitute.  But for now, while I'm still getting accustomed to making healthier choices, I am too fragile to consider veering off that path.  I have only just begun this journey. 

Lysa suggests focusing on 3-5 foods for which I am most grateful.  Notice she did not say which I most desire.  This evening I am most grateful for eggs, fresh tomatoes from the garden, cottage cheese, and, you guessed it: celery.

The journey continues to a healthier me. But the real benefit is learning to lean on GOD.  He is my hope.

"To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive."  --Robert Louis Stevenson

McManna Happy Meals

I've reached the point in this book (Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst) that things are getting serious, I mean serious.  She is hitting all my buttons and providing Scripture to show me the ugly truth about craving things that are not beneficial to me.

From the book:
They (the Israelites) were never to gather up extra and build storehouses of manna supplies where they could set up drive-thru windows for McManna Happy Meals. No, God wanted them to take only their portion for one day.  The next day they would come to Him and again receive their daily portion."

Ok, for starters: Has Lysa been peeking inside my purse?  The extra candy bar, bag of pretzels, hard candy or Tootsie Roll Midgies have been there for food "emergencies".  Ouch!  While there is nothing inherently wrong with having any of these items in my possession, the hoarding has become a problem in itself - we can discuss the nature of those particular items at a later time.  For now, the hoarding is the issue.

As for going to God for my daily portion?  Well, I've had admirable intentions and sometimes even carried through at meeting with Him privately before my day gets underway... for limited times.  I am easily distracted and seem to get caught up with the getting ready part of the day, and then I'm off and running to town and work once again.

Sigh.  So here I am at a crossroads.  His voice is loud and clear, coming through this book and the wisdom of one of His own children who has learned some lessons the hard way herself.

"You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not bow down to an alien god.  I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.  Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."  --Psalm 81:9-10

There it is.  All I need to DO is get myself up every morning and go to Him for my daily portion before anything else gets in the way... before the busyness of the day grabs my attention... before planning lunch or dinner clouds my thinking... before emailing my kids and friends take my precious time.

As I said a few days ago, I am learning to let God have all of me.  A work in progress!  Life is a process.  Today I am thankful it is not a "done deal".  There is still hope, because the sun came up today and God is still in the Heavens.  He may be smiling at my child-like ways, but He loves me just the same.

"For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things" --Psalm 107:9

What "manna" do you long for most from God?  I invite your comments.....

What does it mean to be beautiful?

Today's question can be answered in a number of ways... at any given time, even I have more than one answer to this simple question.

We live in a culture that demands women be preoccupied with their appearance: hair, nails, make up, wrinkles, weight, clothing, accessories and the most attractive friends.  It's all for the purpose of looking good, but what lies within?  Where is my beautiful truly located?

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it like this: "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."

Sounds like he might be on to something, and I'm betting he and God have a similar view on this topic.  Even if the movement of my upper arms can create enough wind to blow down a small building, my arms are not what matters.  And even if the cellulite in my thighs resembles cottage cheese, that doesn't matter either.  And even if my stomach has a life of its own and ignores my efforts to keep it corraled and hidden, that doesn't matter either.

And neither does it matter if my skin is perfect, without blemish or flaw; my hair is silky and shimmers in the noonday sun; my jeans are a size 10; my wardrobe of purses matches my collection of shoes; the number on the scale is lower than the day I was married... none of this is beauty in the truest sense of the word.

My beautiful must be what God put within me the moment I was created in HIS image.  Don't get me wrong: I'm as vain (or more so) than the next gal walking down the street, but I'm trying to change that.  With God's help, I am making strides toward making my inner self into what He would call "beautiful" on any day, whether my hair is frizzy or not.

Made to Crave is certainly speaking to my heart in this particular area.  I'm learning to Remain in Jesus Christ for all my fulfillment. I'm learning to Remain in Jesus Christ for my personal peace and contentment.  I'm learning to Remain in Jesus Christ and let the world go by.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  --Isaiah 55:8-12

Oh God, YOU are so beautiful to me...  make me into Your image.

Learning to let God have me

It's Day 5 of Made to Crave... and I'm learning.  It's becoming painfully obvious that God is not finished with me yet even at my tender age of being a great-grandmother.

Today's lesson from the book: "We are taught to remain in God's love so that we won't tie our HAPPY to anything but God. So that our joy will be complete.  Complete. As in not lacking anything. Complete. As in filled up to the brink with joy no matter if we are wearing our skinny jeans or not. Complete...."

For most of my adult life, my HAPPY has been tied to my weight.  There, I've said it.  The number on the scale was EVERYTHING to me.  As I read Lysa's book and think back on my own experience, I realize what a pathetic confession I'm making.  It's only a number. A number that nobody else in the whole world need ever know. And yet it was my #1 thought and my #1 aggravation.  Pretty shallow when you put it like that, huh?

Today I am seeing myself in a new way.  Today I accept myself as a child of the King, and, as such, entitled to the riches He would like to shower upon me.  The riches of His love, His mercy, His compassion, His comfort, His wisdom, His Everything. 

It's only Day 5.  And I'm on a journey to become what He wants me to be.